Another Year

With 2017 finally here, it means my mom has officially made it to another year. For all the things we want to give thanks to, some of them come at great cost. I’m thankful my mom is still alive, but that means another day with more pain, another day where she is asleep for most of it, and another day she grows weaker and weaker.

I’m thankful for the hospice doctors, nurses, and volunteers who have been providing exceptional palliative care over the past few years. I don’t know what our family would do without them.

I’m thankful for my step-dad who tirelessly tends to my mother, even if it means he’s up all hours of the night.

I’m thankful for all the friends, family, and neighbors that visit my mom and brighten up her day.

I’m thankful she’s lived a full life, even though she has more to give.

I’m thankful she was able to meet my daughter, Sadie, who was born this past October.

I’m thankful my kids still get to spend time with her, even if they won’t remember it.

I have a lot to be thankful for in this new year, but there are things I will also miss as the time has passed. My mom has been bedridden for over a year now, and as much as she’s made peace with that, I miss being able to go outside together.

I miss our long strolls through my neighborhood, admiring the beauty around us.

I miss meeting up for coffee together and just talking about life.

I miss my kids being able to play with her more.

I miss being able to text with her all throughout the day, before she lost feeling in her hands.

I miss being able to hug her properly and not just lean over her awkwardly, patting her shoulders.

I miss so many things, and I’ll miss more when she’s gone. So in this year to come, I’ll be thankful while I still can.