Another Year


With 2017 finally here, it means my mom has officially made it to another year. For all the things we want to give thanks to, some of them come at great cost. I’m thankful my mom is still alive, but that means another day with more pain, another day where she is asleep for most of it, and another day she grows weaker and weaker.

I’m thankful for the hospice doctors, nurses, and volunteers who have been providing exceptional palliative care over the past few years. I don’t know what our family would do without them.

I’m thankful for my step-dad who tirelessly tends to my mother, even if it means he’s up all hours of the night.

I’m thankful for all the friends, family, and neighbors that visit my mom and brighten up her day.

I’m thankful she’s lived a full life, even though she has more to give.

I’m thankful she was able to meet my daughter, Sadie, who was born this past October.

I’m thankful my kids still get to spend time with her, even if they won’t remember it.

I have a lot to be thankful for in this new year, but there are things I will also miss as the time has passed. My mom has been bedridden for over a year now, and as much as she’s made peace with that, I miss being able to go outside together.

I miss our long strolls through my neighborhood, admiring the beauty around us.

I miss meeting up for coffee together and just talking about life.

I miss my kids being able to play with her more.

I miss being able to text with her all throughout the day, before she lost feeling in her hands.

I miss being able to hug her properly and not just lean over her awkwardly, patting her shoulders.

I miss so many things, and I’ll miss more when she’s gone. So in this year to come, I’ll be thankful while I still can.


19 thoughts on “Another Year

      1. My heart goes out to you all. Specially for your mom, who begged us at our last visit to pray for her to go to the other realm. Such loving care provided by dear Bahman. Your story so lovingly written brings you all so much closer to our hearts and mind. You are in my prayers.
        Much love,


  1. I’m still crying. Oh God! You put so much in perspective for me as I was just crying because Zion wouldn’t stop screaming! You are such a blessing. Thank you sharing such pain, and at the same time beauty, with us. We all need to be reminded how fragile life is. Your mom is an angel to so many, including me…even though I don’t know her. I strongly believe she was put on this earth and is still living to bring so many the reminder to enjoy life while we can. Love and light to you and your mom!!

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  2. You all are in my heart and always will be. Duette, I treasure your smile and your radiant light so much. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you all but it feels like just yesterday that I was coming over to see Niya and my chosen Atlanta family. Your warmth and love were healing for me and your home was so filled with joy and creativity. I am forever thankful for that beautiful time and for knowing all of you. ❤


  3. From Shoghi Effendi: “Directives from the Guardian,” New Delhi, p. 39: “Cancer is such a terrible scourge in the world today! But when the believers are called upon to go through such bitter ordeals they have the faith to sustain them, the love of their Baha’i friends to comfort them, and the glorious words of Baha’u’llah regarding immortality to give them confidence and courage. Blessed are we, indeed, even in the midst of our greatest trials.” and Duette has also had the chaplain and nurses and so many other friends to offer prayers, solace, healing, love and caring. It is amazing how she can bring such light and joy to everyone who meets her and instantly loves her. She is my dear and constant spiritual sister and I always feel her presence.

    Liked by 1 person

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